Death comes knocking

Death came knocking this week. Sam's uncle Patrick, Ellen's brother, died after a month in hospital, and a half dozen surgeries to mend intestinal problems. Now death is not a new concept for Sam, but being only ten years old, death has a strange un-nerving effect. He managed a few special prayers, told me that he felt better not talking about it.

For me, I have lost a friend, but no longer a member of the family. It is very odd meeting with the ex family, with whom I had once developed friendships, now distanced by divorce. Such is my life. The entire death event was unexpected, but with such an extended hospital stay, the end was a relief for the family. I did what I could from the sidelines, but it was not my grief to bare.

All of the turmoil that this has created seems to have pushed my personal interests aside. I do not worry about myself, but it does make me wonder what control the past has over my life. For the sake of my son, I do wish to maintain good relations with the ex. There is still a bitter-root at the cross-roads. I can forgive many things, but to be so personally betrayed, with promises broken and dreams dashed, will always be unpleasant to remember and forgiveness will never truly be realized.